Check Lists

My mom loved to make lists when I was a kid. She had her grocery lists, Christmas lists, and of course, her to-do lists. Mother would even add things to her list just so she could mark them off once she done said task that she hadn't made it on the list originally. She would tell me, her hard-headed, disorganized youngest, that making lists was a great way to get things done that you had to do. But, of course, being hard-headed and disorganized, and waaay cooler and smarter than my mom, I didn't think lists were important and refused.

And then I became a mom. Not only did I discover that lists were useful, I became near fanatic about them - just ask my kids. To increase my list mania, I started college when I was in my thirties. Kyle had just started first grade, Greg in third, John in fifth, Don....much further along. I added into my list addiction the love of a datebook - which held more lists. I guess that makes me a dual-diagnosis addict. But, it helped me get things done. In all those years, I didn't forget to feed my family nor show up to class in my jammies. Can't say that I would have had the same results without my lists and datebook.

A few years after I graduated, I started my own business. It started as a decorating business for parties and weddings. Now my lists had sub-lists, and countdown schedules, to boot! And my datebook. You can ask my partner, Autumn, if I ever functioned without without it. Misplacing the list could leave me in a state of disorientation with serious tremors. Tell me you haven't seen that on "Intervention"! Anyhow, Mother was right and lists help things along.

Unfortunately, I have been using a mental to-do list with our sojourn here, and while lists are one of my best things, God does not use check lists. I can't imagine Him, as He was putting the universe together, with a enormous clipboard and pencil..."Okay, stars - check, planets -check, check, check - wait a minute, let's rethink the who planet thing for Pluto...." But even if the Lord had His own type of to-do list, it wouldn't look anything like mine.

Like I said, I must admit to succumbing to the temptation of thinking that I know why God brought us here. I have never,ever limited God's unlimited power to do whatever He chooses. There is NOTHING impossible for our Lord and Creator. But there is a reason we talk about God's WILL be done. His will. His intent. My trouble is that I think that I can figure out His intent. Now that isn't just cheeky, it's downright foolish. I am told over and over in Scripture that my ways are not God's ways, and vice versa. Yet...

The first few weeks of being here, we did Autumn's wedding, Greg's graduation, helped with a second wedding, worked at a marriage retreat, and babysat a few thousand times. Check Check Check Check and Check. Can we go home now? We attended a memorial service for a woman dear to me since childhood. We caught up with some dear Missionary friends, and all the friends who support them. We visited my mom in La Mesa and Don's mom in Arizona. Check Check. Now!?!? I finished writing a novel - which I had been working on since the Carter Administration. Okay, we're good now, Lord, right??!! But....we're still here.

What we, in our finite brains fail to remember is that God's brain is infinite. He is not bound by linear thinking, nor constrained by dates and deadlines. Without a doubt, he has things that He wants us to do - He designed us for "things" - but mostly what He wants is our love, trust, and obedience. Those last two are the real bugaboos. To trust Him means to keep taking one step in front of the other - sometimes on water. To obey Him means to do what He says - even though it is seldom easy or fun. And the combination of those two frustrates the dickens outa me. I am willing to do whatever tasks He says, if God would only tell me what they were. I would trust better if I knew what lay ahead and how much longer we will be here. I would be so much better at getting things done to get us back home, if God would just show me the checklist.