...and in This Corner....

In Genesis 32:22-32, we read about the wrestling match of the...well...forever. Jacob wrestles with a "man", who, in actuality, is THE MAN - God Himself. Talk about a mismatch. Mini-Me Would have a better chance against Andre the Giant. In verse 25, we are told that that after an all night bout, the "Man" discovered that He had not prevailed - in other words, they tussled to a draw. Right. God could have held Jacob away, like the big brother keeping a palm on the much littler brother's forehead, while the little guy whirls away like a windmill in a hurricane. God CHOSE to let Jacob wrestle with Him all night. Then God did something which might look a little spiteful at first glance: He touched Jacob's hip and it blew out of the socket. Wow. That's power. So, it's not as though the Lord had met His match. He just had His reasons for letting this mere man wrestle The Creator to a tie.

I've been feeling a bit like Jacob of late - not in the Father-of-Nations way, but in my own personal bout with the Lord. At times I have felt like He has had me in an impossible hold, but considering He could squoosh me like an ant, a half-nelson is not half-bad. He allows me to fuss and cry and whine and try to overpower Him and His will, in order to have a free and clear path to exercise my own. And I don't just want His permission, or even be pleased with His blessing. Nope. I want God to facilitate my wish list.

We are still kind of meandering here in Riverside County. We are here in our first choice for RV parks, but we may have to move out tomorrow for the weekend. Unfortunately, we can't go back to the cul-de-sac that the kids live on. Seems you have to have a permit from the city of Temecula. I found that out about a week ago when I was tappy-tapping away and one of Temecula's finest came along side to give me a ticket. The real corker was that my Don was out with Kyle previewing properties, and I don't know how to move the beast known as the motorhome. So, I looked pathetic enough to rate a one hour reprieve - enough time for me to make a fairly panicked call to my hubby, the captain of this ship, start packing up for moving, all the while having a SERIOUS chat with God. So, God let me wrestle with Him. Fortunately, Pechanga RV Park has a massive parking lot adjacent where they allow folks to park for a few days at a time, so we were covered. But I still insisted upon tussling with my Heavenly Father. It was a tough night, but the next day, I began to see His abundant mercy...again.

We did move in to the park the next day, but by then I was completely without voice, thanks to a nasty cough I had been entertaining for a week. Now, Don's glee notwithstanding, I had a class to teach at a marriage retreat in Palm Springs in five days. I texted my teaching partner, who immediately responded back that she had been hit in the head by a basketball - passed, ironically, by her own daughter - and now had a minor concussion. At this point, we both realized that it wasn't God we were wrestling, but the enemy himself. And he fights dirty. On top of the physical drama, we had to move out of the park again, because of the Temecula Wine and Balloon (the big hot air-I-wouldn't-ride-in-one-on-a-bet type, not the make-fun-animals type) Festival, and the place was sold out. So, Friday we packed up and moved back to the lot, then drove over the nearby mountains into Palm Springs, where all went beautifully!! Praise God! We came back on Sunday, moved back into the pretty park - and I began the tussle with God once again.

In my little head, I guess I thought that I had done all that God wanted me to do - I was at both weddings, made Gregory's graduation, and taught at the Marriage Getaway. "OH, AAAAABBAAAA FAAAAAATHER!!!!I'M AAAAALL DONE!!!!!" hmmmm.... I'm still here.... The wrestling resumes. I find myself wanting to know the exact end date - when we will be returning to our island home. I want to know exactly WHY al this happened in the first place. After all, had God let those deals close we could have afforded to come over here on our own, right!?!? But 55:8 says it clearly and succinctly: "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor your ways my ways, declares the Lord." Huh. In other words, I won't be running for God too soon, and He won't be asking my opinion on how I think the world - even MY world - should be handled.

Remember Jacob getting his hip blown out of the socket by a mere pinkie touch of God? Of course you do. It was just five paragraphs earlier. God demonstrated His own power, as well as making Jacob walk with a hitch in his giddyup for the rest of his days. Even with all that, Jacob clung to the Lord, much as a three-year-old clings to her father's leg when she does not want to be separated from him. Jacob clung and would not let go until God had blessed him. God gave Jacob that, plus a new name - Israel. From him, a whole people sprung. Holy cats, that's some blessing. So, then what would be so hard about giving me what I want? Because, quite clearly, it is not in GOD'S plans for what He wants for me.........(sigh!)

Does this mean I will stop wrestling with God? I'd like to say that I will never do that again, but somehow that seems to lack sincerity. Or any possibility of being true. If anything, I would like to wrestle in order to cling closer to my heavenly Father. I would ask Him to give me more faith, and set my heart even more on fire for Him, so when He asks me to do something that is annoying or painful or stressful, I do it with joy, not whining. If I cling to Him, let it not be like that tempermental child who wants what she wants when she wants it. Let me simply cling with all my heart to the One who loves me.